Update 08/10/08

Wow, it has been a major few weeks for us. Lots of things have been happening, many of which I choose not to write about for reasons I shall not go into right now.

Usually I do not know what I am going to write in here, or when. I just open this window and things start flowing. This entry shall be no different.

Recently I have asked Jesus into my life. Did I think things would change overnight? Well no, that would be a very unrealistic expectation. Just because Jesus comes into your life does not mean that all the bad things just diappear like magic. (However, in saying this, sometimes they do.)

Since the monumental night when I asked Jesus into my life many things have happened. Good and bad. Although, I keep thinking of the book of Job. How he was put through the trials of belief, and he never once faltered in his faith. About halfway through he did start asking questions, but if you had thrown at you what he had at him, I think you would have been asking questions also.

God is good. One thing he kept saying right through his trials. God is good. And he was not wrong. God really is good. We may not know where our next meal is coming from, but it always comes. We may not know where we are going to next in life, but we always get there. This is not because we are so great that we can just make things happen. This is God’s will, and we will go where He needs us to.

I am on a journey at present to get to know Jesus the saviour. To do this, I have done a few minor lifestyle changes. Yes, minor. What have I done to change my life?

I started reading the bible. Initially I could not pick up a bible and read it. Physically the demons inside me did not want me touching it, and every time i would try to read, it would physically hurt me. To the point where the pain could be unbearable. How did I overcome this?

When I found I could not read the bible physically, I got my partner to read to me. It didn’t matter to me what he read as long as he read. The pain would come while he read, and I would force myself to endure the pain, completely trusting that God is good, and He would not let me endure this for no end result.

After a few evenings of going through hell within my body while my partner read, God assisted me to settle my demons enough to be able to start reading the Bible by myself. Now I am able to not only read, but also comprehend what I am reading. (The second part of that sentence is vitally important for getting to know Jesus, because we can read some thing and then ten minutes later totally have forgotten it.)

The second thing we did was to fill our house and our hearts with songs of devotion to the Lord. Every day we have music playing in the house, and instead of it being Heavy metal, which we are both into, now we have songs of faith filling every part of our house.

Many years ago I slammed a door in the face of the Almighty. A few weeks ago I reopened that door, half expecting Him not to be there waiting for me any longer. But He was, and with as much love for me than I have ever experienced before in this life time. Now I feel I am standing in the threshold of that door, still able to go either way. Not quite sure of what is holding me back from walking through and acquiring the fullest experience of love that is given to all Christians.

My next step will be to do the full immersion which will be in a few weeks, if this is God’s will for me. To me, this will be done when He feels that I am ready to take that step through the door, and completely give up my old life to begin again as a child of Christ.

Right now, I have to maintain my relationship with Him, and get to know him better, through my bible, and going to fellowship. Fellowship, to me, is not only going to church on Sunday and asking to be forgiven of my sins, but it is a commitment which I live every moment of every day by. And as such, I have been finding many people online, and off, who have very similar beliefs and practises.

In closing, all I can say, truly, is that we have an Amazing God, and God truly is good.

The night I found Jesus

I know a few people who read this will probably slam me for what I am about to write. Does this worry me?

In short, no, you can tear me to shreds, but I was there and I know what happened. If you choose not to believe me, then that is your issue. It is not mine, and I will not allow you to make it mine.

Basically, it happened like this.

I was sitting in a christian chat channel. One I had been visiting quite regularly for a coupe of months. My husband had introduced me to the channel, as he had been going there for a number of years.

A number of the regulars in the channel had accepted me, and fully knew that I was pagan. It is important that I say, not a single person in the channel influenced my decision to seek Jesus. That was a fully conscious decision I made myself without duress.

One day, not so long ago, I approached one of the channel operators and told this operator my story of satanism, being possessed, and paganism in it’s entirity. Right through the story I expected the person listening to think that I was just plain crazy. What did this person do in response to my story?

The channel operator advised I speak with another operator with a very similar story to mine. This person did not criticise, ridicule or humiliate me in any way. They also did not think I was crazy.

Later that night I spoke with the person I was advised to talk with. I asked this person if he thought I was crazy. He said he did not at all think I was crazy.

I explained how I could not pray, and how I could not read a bible because of the physical effects. That is when I was asked if I truly wanted to find and get to know Jesus the saviour.

At this stage, my heart and my head were made up. I wanted to know Jesus. My answer reflected this, and that started a number of hours of prayer from a group of online friends from all around the world.

It was getting very late here, and I know it was even later in some parts of the world, but not one of these people left my side (albeit virtually). Every one of them, supported me and prayed for me and with me. They guided me by talking to my husband and explaining to him what we needed to do next to have me accept Jesus into my life.

None of these people knew me very well. Not one of them had anything to gain from what they did. Although on the flip side of the coin, I had everything to gain. And I really did.

Not only did I recieve the love of Jesus in my life that night, but I found a  total respect for the people who supported me, and a love for them that I can not even fathom or explain to anyone.

These people saved me this evening, and I shall never ever forget what they have done for me.

Thank you all so very very much for what you did for me.